Slack Arse City - 6 weeks on tour

So here I sit in Slack Arse City. Lost. Bewildered. Slumped in a pay by the hour hotel of complacency and listlessness. My eyes watering from the miasma of my indifference like a pall of cigerette smoke that clings to your skin and hair.

Have I been banded? Is my weight loss under control? Who would know? Not me. I can't tell the difference. I'm still fat. I'm still a walking (just) testament to what 12 thousand calories a day will do to a person when sustained over 35 years. What started off as a world tour of excitement and change and well a fun gig is just barely holding together.

Me and my band don't seem to have got to know each other very well yet. I know the bands here with me. I can feel the roadie high in my gut when I lay down to sleep at night. It still hurts a little when i put pressure on it but it's ok. I know the band is there because I am eating much less than I used too but the after show, the backstage antics have all been a bit meh!!

I was expecting a wild ride like being on tour with Aerosmith or the Stones in their hayday. I was up for the sex, drugs and rock and roll. I was ready to trash a hotel and pull groupies in for orgies with the band. Instead what I got was to be on tour with the freakin Osmonds. This band is so bloody boring that the Queen herself would will some too bite the head off a chicken just to liven it up a bit.

So I get my first fill next Thursday. Maybe I can go in there like I am scoring for the band. Pretend to smuggle some cocaine out under my jacket (do you even do that with cocaine??) I dunno. Not ever been one for smack. Bourbon is more my bag. Moving on.

Hopefully after that the fun will start. The weight will start to come off and we can kick off the next leg of the tour with some serious freaking attitude.

Now retrospectively I mean it hasn't been a bad tour, we went through Liquidtown with neer a difficulty. I got sick of the food in Liquidtown, all they eat there man is soup. Soup, cup a soup, soup in a can, occasionally you'd get an up and go or maybe some yoghurt but seriously dude they should have called the place Soup City. Next we moved on to Mushiville. After Liquidtown I was ready for some real food, and Mushiville didn't let me down. They do an awesome risotto there and not a bad mac and cheese. I also discovered in Mushiville that pizza was on the menu, not great heaps of it mind you but once every coupld of weeks me and the band would order a pizza in and well it would be ok.

So now we are headed towards SolidCity after this rather dreary stop here in Slack Arse City with a quick stop over in Fill-iton.
I am trying to keep the band healthy and so far we haven't put on weight according to the scales but new bras might be in order soon.
I guess it hasn't been a bad run so far. Maybe a big night on the town might be just what the tour manager ordered bastard that he is. Paid him his cut and haven't heard from him in awhile.

Ok so will try and keep everything moving forwards. Will try and blog more often and will try and lift my slumpy, self indulgent, sooky mood.

Love to All
Claire